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Nov 29, 2022

Don’t be nice. Be kind! This is the core tenet of ruthless compassion.

Ruthless compassion is achieving a balance of being honest and clear with strong boundaries while practicing kindness and acceptance.

But a lot of times in relationships, we tend to go either on one side or the other.

Dr. Marcia Sirota joins us to give her insights and advice on why we should be taking responsibility for our own self-care, how to develop boundaries and tolerance, why we shouldn’t turn to romcoms for answers, and why adult relationships should be conditional.

Tune in to this episode: Ruthless Compassion with Dr. Marcia Sirota.

Key points covered in this episode:

✔️ The condition for love is respect and kindness. Your partner should allow you to be your authentic self. You don’t have to change your quirks and interests (unless they are causing hurt). If you find yourself working too hard, it’s not worth keeping.

✔️ Learning ruthless compassion is a process. Whether it’s alone or with a partner, you progress, make mistakes, and get back up again. Build that attitude of curiosity, self-compassion, and desire to know the truth of your patterns.

✔️ Get a trusted guide. This can be anyone who can help you see the reality of your experiences. Choose someone who lives a fulfilling and respectable life.

✔️ With courtesy and boundaries, you don’t need rules. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all for relationships as each is unique. See what makes you feel most comfortable and speak up if you experience a violation of your values.

✔️ Practice healthy confrontation. Follow these steps:

  • Take a breath. Don’t attack.
  • Say, “When you did/said [the action or words], I felt [happy/sad/confused].
  • Wait for their response. Their answer isn’t a reflection of your character.


Dr. Marcia Sirota is a board-certified psychiatrist practicing in Toronto, Canada. She has more than 25 years of mental health experience and specializes in wellness, healing trauma, unblocking creativity, and supporting people to become their best selves.

She is the founder of the Ruthless Compassion Institute, which promotes empowerment and self-awareness. She is a podcaster, the author of five books, and an instructor of several online courses. Her most recent book is “Be Kind, Not Nice: How to Stop People-Pleasing, Build Your Confidence and Discover Your Authentic Self.”  She is going into her sixth year of a podcast with over one hundred episodes. She has a YouTube video series on mental health and wellness as well as a biweekly newsletter, and she appears regularly on the radio as a guest expert. In her spare time, she enjoys fiction writing, yoga, working out, and spoiling her cats.


★★★ About Marie-Elizabeth Mali ★★★

Marie-Elizabeth is the founder of Relationship Alchemy, where she helps women leaders create loving and nourishing intimate relationships that support their work in the world.


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As a Relationship Alchemist, two-time TEDx Speaker, and host of the Relationship Alchemy podcast, Marie-Elizabeth Mali shows women leaders how to cultivate deeper love and connection in their intimate relationships. Drawing on her Master’s degree in Traditional Chinese Medicine and over 20 years of working with clients, she teaches women how to show up as authentic leaders in their relationships and work instead of twisting themselves to fit in. Marie-Elizabeth’s work has been featured in Thrive Global, SWAAY, and Forbes. She is also a member of the Forbes Business Council, a published author with an MFA in Poetry from Sarah Lawrence College, and an underwater photographer who has a thing for sharks. Learn more at