Aug 16, 2022
When was the last time you had a fight with your partner? Was it a HUGE one where there's shouting and saying things you didn't mean? Or was it the usual squabble over a small thing that got you both nitpicky?
Couples who want to maintain a healthy and long relationship need reminding that each individual has very different styles of responding to stress. Experimenting with your partner will greatly benefit how you work and live together.
Tune in to this new episode: Relationships as Research with Marie-Elizabeth Mali and Patrick Price
Key points covered in this episode:
✔️ In our lives, we learn about relationships through our parents, friends, and the stories we see on TV or social media. We think we ought to know how to do a relationship, but no one ever makes the perfect one without learning and experimenting first.
✔️ Notice the other person's stress style if they haven't caught it yet, and offer support instead of judgment. Here's one big discovery my fiancé and I noticed and learned through our #RelationshipResearch: a particular thing happens when we both reach nerve-racking and trying days in our relationship.
When I go under stress, I start to move quicker and become more critical. I get nitpicky. When he gets stressed, he starts slowing down or just stops. As you can imagine, these two very different kinds of responses prime us to explode into a big fight.
✔️ When we understand each of our stress styles, we can nip unnecessary clashes in the bud, notice patterns if they haven't caught it yet, and offer support instead of judgment. This simple discovery can save many relationships from failing.
✔️ When we find love, we can't help but conjure dreamy imaginings of how our partner should be. We tend to return to the measure we've set of that ideal lover instead of wholly accepting that person right here.
✔️ The biggest thing in a relationship is the willingness to try new things. Many couples forget that:
- a) They should work as a TEAM.
- b) Yet, they are still DIFFERENT people.
Actively experimenting on the relationship allows partners to collaborate. They can learn how to do better and learn to adjust, understanding each of their weaknesses and relying on their strengths.
✔️ Become partners in research and love. Have you pondered on approaching your romantic relationship as research? It will benefit you and your partner more than you'll ever know. Setting research containers within the relationship fosters curiosity and keeps you on the growing edge of what's happening between you.
✔️ Be intentional in helping each other grow and gain more skill in an area of both your lives where the default is to avoid, push back or to reject yourself or the other person.
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★★★ About Marie-Elizabeth Mali ★★★
Marie-Elizabeth is the founder of Relationship Alchemy, where she helps women awaken through their relationships.
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As a Relationship Transformation Expert, two-time TEDx Speaker, and host of the Relationship Alchemy podcast, Marie-Elizabeth Mali shows women how to cultivate deeper love and connection in their intimate relationships. Drawing on her Master’s degree in Traditional Chinese Medicine and over 20 years of working with clients, she teaches women how to show up as authentic leaders in their relationships and work instead of twisting themselves to fit in. Marie-Elizabeth’s work has been featured in Thrive Global, SWAAY, and Forbes. She is also a member of the Forbes Business Council, a published author with an MFA in Poetry from Sarah Lawrence College, and an underwater photographer who has a thing for sharks. Learn more at https://relationshipalchemy.com.