Mar 29, 2022
Picture this:
You and your partner are having fun. Suddenly, they say or do something that hits an old wound inside you. You get overwhelmed by emotion, and you either blurt out the nastiest things or immediately walk out.
And that right there is when wreckage happens in relationships.
So, how can we improve the situation?
Use my proprietary four-step P.A.R.T. process: Pause, Ask, Request or Reframe, and Thank.
Tune into this episode: Do Your P.A.R.T for More Connection
Key points covered in this episode:
✔️ When you find yourself flooded with emotion in a conflict, pause. As our nervous system goes into fight-or-flight, the impulse to eviscerate the other with hurtful words comes from our “lizard brain” — our ancestral response to protect ourselves from danger. You have the power to bring yourself back to your conscious mind. Be the bigger person in the situation.
✔️ Make a request for support. If the other did something that triggered you, make a clear request. First, say how their action made you feel. Then, if a change is needed, request what you want done differently, otherwise reframe your own thinking.
✔️ Show gratitude for the situation. Appreciate yourself for mustering the courage to pause, reground, and approach the situation in a positive light. Don’t forget to thank your partner for their helpful response as well.
✔️ A time-out is for you to settle and tend to yourself. Ditch your revenge plan to get the upper hand. Do what you need to do to get back to your body and your center : journal, cry your heart out, scream into a pillow, sing your favorite song. Whatever it is, get yourself back to a more centered place.
✔️ Reframe your thinking. Recognize the action that triggered your emotions. At first, you may think it’s something that the other party should do differently. But sometimes, it can be a personal wound that only you can work on.
✔️ A deeper connection requires sharing childhood wounds. Cultivate a deep-rooted bond with your partner by allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Open up to each other about your hopes, fears, delights, and anxieties. Let them see and feel you. Don’t be afraid to reveal the most tender parts of yourself. This can lead you in working together to have room for each other’s feelings.
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★★★ About Marie-Elizabeth Mali ★★★
Marie-Elizabeth is the founder of Relationship Alchemy, where she helps people create loving and nourishing intimate relationships that support their work in the world.
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★ COACHING ★
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As a Relationship Alchemist, two-time TEDx Speaker, and host of the Relationship Alchemy podcast, Marie-Elizabeth Mali shows women how to cultivate deeper love and connection in their intimate relationships. Drawing on her Master’s degree in Traditional Chinese Medicine and over 20 years of working with clients, she teaches women how to show up as authentic leaders in their relationships and work instead of twisting themselves to fit in. Marie-Elizabeth’s work has been featured in Thrive Global, SWAAY, and Forbes. She is also a member of the Forbes Business Council, a published author with an MFA in Poetry from Sarah Lawrence College, and an underwater photographer who has a thing for sharks. Learn more at https://relationshipalchemy.com.